Letters: More on Relationships - We don't have that much in common

XXXX,

Good to hear from you. I'll just go down through your email and make a few comments and then try to tie it all together at the end. Hopefully that will help.

The problem is that I don’t know exactly what I have doubts about. Sometimes I find that she really irritates me! And then that really troubles me - if we are like this now, what might it be like later.

It's 'ok' to find each other irritating 'sometimes', as long as its not too regularly! A relationship is between two sinful people, and a relationship between two Christians is one that the devil will especially seek to get each to rub each other up the wrong way. No relationship is perfect this side of Heaven. That doesn't give you licence to be irritating though!

There are things about me that irritate Judith, and vice versa. I am completely untidy and she is completely organised. She tidies up, and then I cant find the things that I had left lying about.

But the amazing thing is that God's grace has been like an oil that reduces the friction, as he makes us more Christlike.

also I don't have much in common in xxxx.

I have very little in common with Judith. I'm a rock climbing, rugby loving, football watching, fan of every sport imaginable who loves to read, and design stuff on the computer, and discuss theology. Judith doesn't have much time for sport at all, doesn't read books much, and doesn't discuss theology the same way other friends do. I enjoy it when a day takes unexpected turns, she likes to know exactly what's going to happen next.

If you tried to match Judith and I up using conventional dating methods we would never be put together. But God put us together. Thank you, God.

I think we can put too much emphasis on what the world puts its emphasis on. They know that there is something in being like-minded, but they don't realise that being like minded in Christ is the most important one. And if that is right, many other things will be covered by growing in grace.

After we started going out I met another girl with whom I have alot more in common. This worried me as I was scared I would fancy her.

There are plenty of other girls that I know and care a lot about that I have more in common with. Girls who are sporty, girls who love books, girls who discuss theology - but do I want to spend my life with them? No.

Also I have discovered more things about Judith since I married her that have made me see that God has us perfectly matched - but the point to note here is that it was after we married that I discovered them! God's plan for marriage isn't for two identical people to get together - Eve was made as an emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual counterpart to Adam to complement him, not to match him.

(Of course having a few things in common helps a bit!)

All the best for now

Mark